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Classic Pokémon Paranoia
Posted by WJWalton on Wed 16 of Dec., 2009 13:42 PST
For the first few years that I managed this site, back in 1995-1999 or so, I did a bit of defense for collectible card games as well as role-playing games. This was because games like Magic: The Gathering and Pokémon were getting the same bad rap that RPGs like Dungeons & Dragons were. Lately, I've been seeing a lot of this video, supplied by the blog Everything is Terrible, where a preacher warms his flock of the dangers of Pokémon. This is the sort of thing that was going on during the height of the craze. In fact, this is rather mild, compared to what some other preachers did ten years ago.

I was hesitant to post it at first, since it has been edited quite a bit, but I don't think the actual message has been changed very much (as long as you ignore the very last sentence).

Okay, then. That's a lot to take in at once, so here is a brief recap of the things that we've learned here:

- The plural of "Pokémon" is "Pokémon." Be sure to correct yourself if you say the singular form when you mean the plural.

- Children are capable of taking the powers (from Pokémon cards, games, and toys) and channeling them through their minds and arms and power sources (like Pokémon cards, games, and toys).

- Pokémon is a game that teaches children how to enter into the world of witchcraft, how to cast spells, use psychic phenomena, and work supernatural powers against their enemies.

- Demons and Satan take it quite seriously, regardless of how seriously you may take it.

- In the 80s, children killed themselves because Dungeons & Dragons was a roleplaying game.

- Russian roulette is just a game, the same as Pokémon and Dungeons & Dragons. (Likewise, apples and oranges are the same things as hand grenades.)

- Everything in life is real. EVERYTHING. This cannot be stressed enough.

- Why? Why? Whyyyy? Whhhhhhhyyyyyyyy?

- Some people here cannot get saved, or go to heaven (possibly due to Pokémon)

- And now, THE INTERNET!

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